roads, part III.
|
Q: How long does it take to get anywhere in
Boston? A: Forty minutes. Without traffic.
Looking at a map, you might not think it would be that bad to get around by highway...after all, Boston has two major interstates coming in and out. Back in Atlanta, the interstates had exits and onramps about once per mile (and a Waffle house at every one so you'd never go hungry). As long as you avoided rush hour, you could go zipping along just about anywhere and get there in a hurry. It was not uncommon for us in midtown to decide on the spur of the moment to see a movie at Phipp's starting in fifteen minutes and be there in time to see most of the previews. Here there is a whole different paradigm...the interstates (and the Turnpike in particular) exist to bring in people from other states, and therefore have a very limited number of access points, and therefore are only useful if you're commuting in from way the hell far away. The same goes for major arteries like Storrow Drive...once you're in, you can usually go scooting along at top speed, but forget about getting off except at a few specific points. None of which are anywhere near where you want to go. The net result is that unless you happen to live close to one of those access points, you might as well take the surface streets, and thus it will take you forty minutes to go ten miles...fifty if you have to go through Cambridge. That said, on the rare occasions where you're trying to get someplace where those particular roads do actually go, they can be pretty useful - assuming, of course that there are no accidents. Because these are the kind of roads where you have a couple of lanes in a chute between concrete sidewalls, and one wrong move will not only cause a major wreck, it will completely shut down traffic in the way a daily double whopper with cheese will shut down your aorta. Not only will you be stuck; there will be no way for the ambulance and tow truck to get to you. Hope some of those nice Boston drivers have a first-aid kit and will help you push your car out of the way to at least free up one lane. Speaking of those nice Boston drivers: no, they don't use their turn signals; no, they don't necessarily stop for red lights; and yes, they are honking at you. Consider yourself warned. (And to the Dave Mustaine wannabe with the receding hairline in the brown Toyota who pulled up next to me and so eloquently expressed his displeasure: I have no idea what I did to piss you off, but if you can't handle driving in Boston maybe you should just shut up and take the T. And incidentally, get a damn haircut - the long-hair thing went out with Warrant and Winger. Give it up. It's over.) |